March again

If you have lived any kind of life at all, then there is likely one time during the year that is more difficult than the rest. For most people I imagine this time is around Christmas. For me it's March. The month of March holds two very special birthdays, my dads and my brother Patricks. I shared a very special bond with both my dad and my brother. It is easily argued that the month of March is also when I lost them both.

I have always been close to my mom and my dad. I remember inviting my mom to be my date at a school dance. My mother and I have a great and special bond. She's like that best friend that you have that you can go years not talking to and when you finally get together it feels like you've never been apart. I swear we have some special psychic bond too. There are days that go by that I just know I need to contact her, tell her I love her and I'm thinking of her. We have a very special connection that will be forever.

My dad and I also had a very special connection. You could say I was a daddy's girl and you would be right. My dad was very hard on me, very strict with me but he was also very sweet to me. One of our favorite things to do together was go grocery shopping. At the grocery store nothing was off limits. If I wanted to buy a lobster for dinner, he would buy two. If I wanted to get the stuff for him to cook me a 3 course breakfast before school, he'd get enough stuff for 4 courses. Heck that's basically what he did every morning anyway. I think that's why I enjoy grocery shopping so much as an adult. He would wake me up in the middle of the night to go outside and watch the bats flying through the street light. We would sit up hours watching science fiction movies and French cooking shows. I can't even begin to describe all of the great memories I have of him. I also can't begin to describe how painful each and every day is because I don't have him in it.

My brother Patrick on the other hand was like my best friend. He is 6 years older than me but never once as a child did he treat me like some bratty little sister. He and I share a very special bond that is unlike any other I have. He knows things about me that no one else knows, he's been there for me when no one else was. No matter what we always had each other and we always had each others back. He is a great and loving man. He is an honest man and he is a man that has been dealt a hand that he does not deserve.

In March of 2000 life as I knew it ended. In a crazy, ridiculous, unjust turn of events my brother Patrick found himself battling the Commonwealth of Kentucky for a crime he did not commit. There are no words that I can write at this moment that will describe what he has been through, what we his family ( this includes Wanda) have been through and continue to go through. It has been 12 years since ths nightmare began. This nightmare that essentially ended my dads life and might as well of ended my moms and Wanda's. To be completely honest it ended a good part of mine as well.In March of 2000 I became numb. Sad things are just "things" in most cases, reasons to laugh might just get a snicker. I try very hard to stay positive because I know positivity is the key to making good things happen. I think people might sometimes mistake my attitude and demeanor as being bitchy or rude. Well, you couldn't be more wrong. I'm just struggling to keep it together.

So, yes March is a hard month for me. I am reminded of all the good things my brother and my dad brought to this world, mainly my world. I am reminded how I can't pick up a phone and call my dad or my brother. I am reminded how numb I really am. But I am also reminded how I will always be my brothers "Scooter" and every time I see a spider I will think of my dad. I can't bring my dad back but I will keep his memory alive even if it means buying a couple lobsters or wearing a coyote skin to pick the girls up from school. And I will live to see my brother home where he belongs and I will try to do for him what he has already done for me. So in the meantime, cut me a little slack if I'm having an off day. It's nothing personal really, is just March catching up with me again.

Little Dog, Big Lessons

It's really neat to me how you just never know when the simple things in life will take on a much larger meaning. You know the times I'm talking about, those random acts of kindness you witness, those miracles that you hear about, all the things that you experience that reawaken something great or kindle your spirit. I had one of these events happen to me last week and in the form of a very unexpected package.

I have been looking for a small dog since before Christmas. The girls and I frequent the beach, parks and go on lots of little walks together. I wanted so bad to have a little companion to take with us on our adventures. Every day I have searched for a dog, every animal shelter, humane society, and rescue within driving distance and even Craig's List. I filled out application after application, made so many inquiries but every time I got excited I would either be denied or find the dog wasn't kid friendly. I was starting to give up and then came Polly.

I found Polly on petfinder.com and thought she was cute so I filled out an application even though her rescue was in Castro Valley. The application clearly said they only adopt out locally (which we weren't) and not typically to families with small kids (which we obviously have). I filled out an application, hoped for the best but expected the worst. The next day the rescue contacted me and we made arrangements to meet at a pet food store in Castro Valley. Morgan has been anti- dog so I enlisted my best friend Emily to make the long drive to see Polly.

Now, it's important to note that I am one of the most directionally challenged people you will ever meet. Considering Emily was with me and we managed to get lost 2 times, I'm going to say she's probably a little challenged in this way too. We finally managed to make it to the pet store, a mere 15 minutes late. We walked in and were immediately greeted by this lady and this little, ragged, ugly dog. It took a minute for it to register that this little, ugly, ragged dog was Polly. If there were any way that I could have pretended not to be me, to pretend I wasn't there to see a dog, I probably would have and would have calmly and quietly backed out the door, got into my car and drove straight back. But, alas that wasn't a possibility so I was stuck, now I realize I was anything but.

Polly was a little shy a first but she was so sweet and gentle with the girls. Piper is typically scared of dogs but she loved Polly. It didn't take much for me to see that this little dog had already won the hearts of the girls and so I began to let her win over mine as well. According to the rescue Polly had been surrendered to the Oakland shelter last June due to her owners having to many animals. Not sure if this means "hoarder"? She sat there until the middle of August when the rescue felt sorry for her and took her. A lady in Santa Cruz wanted to adopt her from the rescue but the adoption only lasted 6 hours. She couldnt handle her shyness. Her loss our gain!

I cant believe how absolutely perfect this dog is for us. She loves the girls and the girls love her. She could care less about the cats, she has no interest in people food, cat food or what lurks in the litter box. She only needs to go to the bathroom twice a day and is just as happy out running around as she is laying in your lap. She's perfect. Here's where the life lesson comes in- if I would have simply judged Polly based on her appearance she never would have had a chance. Myself and more importantly my girls would have missed out on the companionship of a great dog just based on her looks. This is a pretty important lesson. We should all try to remember not to judge a book by its cover, or a person by their appearance. It's also important to note that we should try to encourage and help each other. Each person you come in contact with on a daily basis is carrying around their own "Oakland Shelter" perhaps the way you treat them could make their day a little brighter and their life a little nicer. Bottom line, we should all look out to each other, encourage each other and accept each other. By doing so you might just find your own "Polly" right under your nose.

Finding Me

I never really was one of those people that made new years resolutions. Last year just for the fun of it I made a simple one, to go to the beach more. I did pretty good with it and actually tried to go to the beach once a week or so, weather permitting of course. This got me thinking. Did making this resolution actually work or was I just less lazy and more wiling to venture out this year? Either way I figured I might as well make a resolution for 2012, couldn't hurt any.

This years resolution is a little more complicated and yet simple at the same time. It is also something that I think a lot of us moms share, no matter how old our kids are. This year, my resolution is to find myself again. You know, that spunky girl with the pink highlights that wasn't afraid to try anything. That crazy girl that packed up all she had and moved clear across the country. That girl that pretty much disappeared the minute she became a wife and then a mother. When we get married we start thinking less and less about ourselves and more about starting a life and settling in with our husbands. When we become moms we start thinking even less about ourselves, less about our husbands and become obsessed with our kids. Throw a full time job into the mix and well, you get the picture. Suddenly the girl that used to get her hair done twice a month is cutting her own hair if she can even be bothered to wear it any style other than a ponytail. An old sweatshirt and jeans from Goodwill become the outfit of choice. Every free moment is spent reading a book, playing barbies, at the park, or thinking about reading books, playing barbies or going to the park. I cherish each one of these moments but I realize that it's important not only to take care of my husband and my kids but "me" as well. After all it was "me" that helped make these great things.

This year I vow to spend more time bringing "me" back. This year I vow to allow myself to buy "me" things that 1: didnt come from Goodwill and 2: didnt come off a clearance rack and I'm not going to let "me" feel guilty about it. This year I vow to go to the salon, get my hair did and take pride in myself. This year I vow to go to lunch or coffee with friends and not feel guilty for leaving the girls at home with their daddy . This year I vow to be more than a wife and a mommy, this year I vow to be more "Shaunda". I know there are lots of moms out there that feel the same way and I hope you find a little of your "me" this year too. After all, we are all worth it.

Little Bit of Kentucky Living in this California Heart

I am the youngest of three Kentucky born and raised kids.  My beautiful sister Jeanette is 9 years my senior and my loving brother Patrick is 6 years my senior.  Patrick and I grew up very close to one another, we basically lived within a stones throw of each other until I left for college and even then he was merely a phone call and about an hour away.  Jeanette and I had a very different relationship. I have some very vivid and wonderful memories of her as a child but for the most part I remember her as my older, cooler big sister who moved away to Maryland when I was a young kid in search of a life all her own. I remember at first flying with my mom to go visit her and then as I got older I was allowed to fly by myself to visit her. Every time I visited my sister I was amazed and impressed at the life she had created for herself in this foreign far away land (to a kid Maryland is a foreign far away place, lol.). I was always welcomed but always felt out of sorts, after all Kentucky was my home not Maryland.

As a kid if someone were to ask me where my sister was from I would say, without hesitation "Maryland".  To me that was her home, Kentucky in my book had never been her home. I know in my heart and head that that is where she was born and where she grew up but was that her "home", not really.  She had made her own home in this foreign land called Maryland.  I truly believe that if it were not for Jeanette moving to Maryland I would likely have never packed up and moved to CA.  I saw that she was able to make a happy life for herself and was more than willing to give it a try for myself.

I left Kentucky almost 11 years ago.  I can honestly say that up until about a year ago if someone were to ask me where I was from I would say Kentucky. Now I say, without hesitation Valley Ford.  Somewhere in my mind a switch flipped from the girl I grew up as to the woman I now am.  Many times Morgan and I have contemplated packing it all up and moving to be closer to my family in KY and his in NJ. But then we realize that the "home" we remember has a different definition and a different meaning as adults. My Kentucky home now lives in my heart, its not a place I could physically live in.  Its a place that lives inside of me. I could never forget my friends, foe and family there, heck they made me who I am today. 

I am about as happy now as any person can be.  I love my friends, I love my community and I even love my job.  I love how my heart warms every time I drop Avrie off at preschool, I love how trick or treating is like a giant block party in Tomales, I love how I can go to the local Grocery Store and run into about 5 people I know.  To me, this is home. Just like Maryland is home to my sister.  Kentucky and Indiana will always live in my heart but for now I will be living in California. 

Running, Laughing & a Slutty Raccoon

Most people think that when they have kids their social life goes completely out the window.  I'm sure we have all heard the childless couples out there using this as an excuse.  For me having kids is what really gave me a social life.  These days without preschool, birthday parties and play dates I probably wouldn't get out of the house much.  I've said it before and I will say it again - we are very lucky to live in a community with such a great group of kids and parents.  Last Friday was Avrie's preschool jogathon.  I remember my friend Missy going to her Avery's jogathon last year and how much fun she said it was, so I decided to take Piper to the school and check it out.  Oh man am I glad I did!

I cant really put into words how ridiculously cute and funny the jogathon was.  It sort of reminded me of one of those nature shows where they've captured wild animals and taken them to a new place to live.  They open the doors and some critters go right, some left, some freeze in terror - well this is pretty much what happened when the jogathon began.  Kids were running in all different directions, with people on the sidelines trying to herd them in like a bunch of sheep, there was a lady with a water hose spraying water on them when they ran past, it was just adorable!  This is where I also had one of those rare mommy moments where I was so overcome with it all that I wanted to cry.  Avrie looked so big, running as fast as she could at a school function. It hit me like a ton of bricks that she was definitely on the uphill race to being a big kid, a proud and sad moment at the same time.  Afterwards the kids were all treated to an ice cream and they even allowed little Piper to sit down with the class and have one too.  It was a very special and fun day!

On Saturday we met up with Morgan's cousin Erin and her family- Brian and baby Graeme at Peter Pumpkin Patch in Petaluma.  We had plans to have a little picnic, taste some local cheese and pick some pumpkins. We started on setting up a really nice picnic complete with smoked salmon, wine, cheese, and even pumpkin ice cream.  Turns out the yellow jackets were extremely hungry and wouldn't leave us alone so the picnic was cut short before it even really began.  We moved on to picking pumpkins and we were doing pretty good until Avrie realized there were worms on some of the pumpkins and then she went from looking for pumpkins to looking for worms.  My sweet little country girl - the worm collector. It was great to spend some time with Erin, Brian and G-Man and we got some really good pictures.

After the pumpkin patch I met up with my friends Emily and Danielle to go costume shopping.  I haven't dressed up for Halloween since I was in Middle School and I had no idea how difficult it would be to pick a costume out.  It amazed me how there seemed to be a regular version and a slutty version of everything.  I saw this really cute raccoon costume that I thought I could wear to Avrie's preschool party.  I asked to try it on and they brought me a slutty version with fishnet stockings and the whole bit.  Really.....a slutty raccoon?  Needless to say I didn't try it on. I also figured out that one of the prerequisites to work at a Spirit Halloween store is that you have to be rude.  I cant get over how rude all the employees there were. 

After trying on a few costumes I finally settled on a Girl Scout - and seeing as how Girl Scouts are all about the buddy system my friend Danielle is going to be one too.  We are really excited to be going out this year.  The girls are going to the sitters and the rest of us are going to the Costume party at Dinuccis.  I know its going to be a blast but I need to remind myself not to have to much fun because I have a lot of baking to do for Avrie's preschool party the next day. Speaking of Dinuccis - Emily and I decided to swing by there on our way back from costume shopping for a drink just because that's what the guys always do - that's fair right?  We stayed for a couple hours, had a few drinks and a lot of laughs. The guys seemed to have had a good time too, at least I'm guessing that by the varmint gun left on the kitchen table.  I can only imagine how/why that got out. 

It was a really fun week and I am so excited for the weeks to come!  Taking Avrie trick or treating for the first time, hitting up a couple more pumpkin patches, preschool parties, birthday parties, play dates - my social calendar is full and its all thanks to two beautiful little girls!  Mommy loves you Avrie and Pipey!

Van Damme It again!

A few weeks ago Morgan, the girls and I went on a camping trip to Van Damme State Park.  Aside from dealing with the difficulties involved with camping with two young girls, I had a great time.  I really enjoyed camping and being outdoors and I told Morgan we needed to start thinking about going back without the girls so we could really relax.  Well, for our Anniversary Morgan surprised me with a weekend adults only getaway back to Van Damme. Much to my surprise he called the girls babysitter and arranged for them to spend the weekend at her house.  I must give my sitter some major THANKS for cancelling her daughters birthday getaway so that we could have ours.  I cant believe she was willing to do that but so thankful she did.

The reason Morgan picked this weekend is because there was a big spearfishing tournament going on in Caspers and he wanted to give it a shot.  We made plans to meet our friends Casey and Emily at the campsite on Friday and see where the weekend took us.  We got a great campsite at Van Damme and we had our tent etc all set up and done by 4:30.  It was so great to sit back and relax and not have to worry about what the girls were into.  Casey and Emily showed up later and we had a nice dinner of lamb stew, beer and these awesome vodka strawberry drinks courtesy of Emily.  Lots of chatting, laughs and drinks were had - it was great!

The boys had to get up around 5 am Saturday to register for the spearfishing tournament.  Casey's cousin, Emily M also made the drive up to join in the tournament.  Once the boys and Emily M were off Emily and I decided to venture to the town of Mendocino to see what it was all about.  Mendocino is a cute little town right on the ocean, in fact the movie "The Goonies" was filmed here.  If I had to pick one word to describe our adventure through Mendocino I would pick "random". Lots of random little shops with quirky, sometimes downright RUDE shop owners and you just never knew what you would find.  There are medical marijuana dispensaries all over out here but this is the first time where I saw one with huge plants in the shop windows, it was, well, random.  It was so nice to walk around with Emily, taking our time checking things out and making casual conversation.  Years ago Emily and I were pretty good friends and I am glad we have found each other again.

The whole time we were in town we were thinking the boys were out spearing lots of fish and were anticipating them returning to camp late with lots of fish to clean.  Much to our surprise they were back at camp very early and hadn't managed to get a single fish.  In fact Morgan spent most of the day laying on the beach asleep, turns out too much fun was had the night before and he wasn't feeling up to being in the water. What I wouldn't give to have walked up to him asleep on the beach.  Good times.  We had an awesome dinner of elk sloppy joes and then went to bed pretty early.We left camp early this morning and were back in Santa Rosa by 10:30. I missed my girls dearly but I am glad I had the opportunity to get out with some friends, have some laughs, make some memories and get reacquainted with the "me" that took a back seat when I became "mommy".  I hope this part of me sticks around for awhile!

My first day of Preschool

Around this time last year Morgan and I started talking about putting Avrie in preschool.  I really thought alot about where to send her. Should I send her to a place that is convenient for me at work? Should I send her to the place where her daycare friends go?  Should I send her to the place close to home?  Each place had its own pros and cons.  I was a bit apprehensive about sending her to the school near our house because of it being a co-op.  Each parent was required to participate in classroom time and help the teacher as needed. Well, the town we live in is a small town (in a good way I think) and also the town where my husband has been essentially his entire life.  Most people here know him or at least know of him.  I was so scared that either myself or Avrie would do something to upset a parent and it would forever change the way the community looked at us. I love this community and I just couldn't handle that.  Sort of like the reason why you don't do business with family, this community really is a family to me.  I just didn't know if I was willing to risk that. 

After much thought and consideration we ended up deciding on the close to home preschool option.  It worked out nice to because several of our play date friends were either going here already or starting this year.  At least the kids would all see some familiar faces at school and maybe make it a little more fun.  When I picked Avrie up after her first day of school, I learned that I would be the teachers assistant on her next - and only second, day of school.  Honestly I was not very happy about that.  I really wanted her to get to see what school was like before adding me to the mix.  I wanted her to feel like school was something for her alone, something she didn't need me for.  But alas, it is what it is and so on her second day I would be there.

So, today was my first day of preschool.  I don't know why I was so nervous or scared but I have seriously been dreading today all week.  The fear of not knowing what to do or how to help or how the kids would be.... Ugh! I tried to gather as much advice as I could from other more seasoned moms - thank you Missy, Mary & Jessica - and hoped for the best.  Turns out all my worries were unfounded.  The kids were ALL great, the teacher is awesome and Avrie was just the right amount of clingy.  I had the best day and I cant wait until I get the opportunity to do it again. It was so cute watching the kids interact with each other and seeing the small differences in each child's personality. I also found watching the teacher - Mrs Furlong - interact with the kids was sort of like a parenting lesson. 

I think maybe the best part of today was watching and learning as Mrs Furlong tried to keep the attention of ten 3-4 year olds.  Her tone of voice, the things she said, when she said them - all things I hope to replicate.  I expected today to be very stressful and to come home exhausted and drained.  Turns out I came home happy and pretty relaxed.  Who knew dealing with that amount of toddlers could be relaxing!  I'm sure if I had to be there every day it might be a different story but for now I cant wait for my next day in the classroom and I feel so lucky to live in such a great community.  After all - it really does take a village to raise a child and I feel pretty darn lucky to be in this village.


Avrie and I on her first day of school



The day we signed her up for preschool, wearing her preschool shirt. She was so excited