A Fair Look at things

I've said it once but its worth repeating, growing up with my dad there weren't alot of things I was allowed to do by myself.  I was rarely allowed to drive myself to and from school and that was only if dad could check my mileage to make sure I didn't go to far.  I was rarely allowed to go to school functions like ball games and dances.I couldn't be in many school clubs or anything because he would not allow me to stay after school for meetings and so on. This being said the one thing I was always allowed to do, for whatever reason, was attend the local county fair.  I'm not quite sure why this event, of all things was ok for dear old dad and why this event, he would gladly give me more money than I could spend and allow me to spend virtually the entire week at a friends house so we could be at the fair from open to close every day.  As a kid and well, up until today I wondered why fair week was essentially a free pass for me.

Every year I would look forward to the fair coming to our small town.  Most years I spent the week with my then best friend Alicia.  Alicia and I had known each other since Kindergarten and we always made quite the experience out of the fair. Alicia was always a much better dresser than me.  I can remember her dressed in the best brands and the newest styles. I always looked up to her sense of style and her awesome wardrobe. I remember we would spend almost the entire day getting ready for the fair. She would pick out her outfit and give me free reign to pick an outfit of my own from her massive, beautiful closet.  After we picked out our outfits we would saunter over to her moms bathroom where we would proceed to try on makeup and beautify ourselves for a big night of fun at the fair. 

Year after year this would go on. Her and I getting ready the whole time talking about what boys we hoped to see there.  Between the two of us I think there was consistently a group of the same 4 boys we hoped to see.  Most times we saw these boys, sometimes we didn't and sometimes we learned the hard way that boys can come between friends.  Overall, I think the entire fair experience was probably one of the most beneficial, educational experiences of my life.  Most of what I learned about being a teenager and how to cope with it happened at the fair.  To this day every time I hear the "I Like Big Butts" song I think of Trimble Co Fair riding a tilt a whirl. There are also certain people, like Alicia, that I cant help but think about when I think about funnel cake, the Gravitator or carnies.

My dad may have been protecting me from the world by not letting me do many things but he certainly couldn't keep me from growing up.  Most of the growing I did happened behind the bars of Ferris Wheel or in my childhood friend Alicia's moms bathroom.  My lesson learned here, instead of trying to blind your kids from what life is about try experiencing it with them.  I know my girls will make hard decisions, some right, some wrong.  I know my girls will find themselves in precarious situations with other kids, I know my girls will make mistakes that will sometimes go unnoticed but other times be crystal clear.  All I can hope for is that I will have a solid enough relationship with them that I will be riding along side them on the Tilt a Whirls of life and not laid back in the distance hoping for the best.

I scream, you scream

As a parent do you find yourself doing some "thing" over and over with your kids and you aren't sure why? I'm not talking about the usual bath and dinner routines. I'm talking about something fun that you find yourself compelled to do with your kids every chance you get. Today I realized I have one of thes "things" and I'm not sure why. I feel compelled to take my girls for ice cream every chance I get. In fact if I could take them for ice cream every day I probably would. I'm not sure why this is so important to me. As a child I didn't go for ice cream excessively. I do remember every visit with my dad required a trip to Brays Orchard for some peach ice cream. But that stuff was great, hard to stay away from. In fact during my last visit to KY almost two years ago, my mom, the girls and I stopped in for some. But other than that ice cream wasn't really a big thing for me. So why is it that something in me feels the need to stuff ice cream in the girls face every chance I get? Could it be that ice cream reminds me of pure, simple times. Kids grow up so fast these days could this be my attempt to keep them kids longer? Each scoop equating to one more day of a happy childhood. Who knows. Perhaps weekly trips to the ice cream parlor are just my way of creating a "thing" that the girls and I will have to do together no matter how old we get. As they get older I'm sure their favorite vanilla cone will change to a hot fudge sundae or a banana split. Maybe it's more simple than that. Maybe it's the joy I get seeing their eyes grow to be the size of quarters as they at handed their scoop or it's the smiling faces with ice cream dripping down their chins. What ever the reason, I look forward to many more scoops in the future. As we get older I'm sure the conversation will change from preschool, play dates, and potty talk to more grown up issues that I don't really want to think about right now. Maybe this "thing" is what will bind the girls to me in the future and make them think of me whenever they eat it. Sort of like I think of my dad every time I see a spider or a lady bug. Someday I might figure out the reason I need to take the girls for ice cream but until then I'll just keep doing it, and I look forward to each and every sticky hand and dirty face.

A New Addiction

I've been denying it for weeks. I keep trying to convince myself it's just a phase, this will pass. I swear that every long night I spend doing it is the last. But alas, it's time to admit to myself and everyone else that I have an addiction. I am addicted to Pinterest. Sad but true. I know. It's all because of you Missy and Jolynn, it's all because of you, lol.

When I'm not cooking, cleaning, or playing mommy I find myself on Pinterest looking for new and improved ways to cook, clean and be a mommy. I feel guilty if I make a meal that starts out of a box as I know there is an easier, cheaper, healthier version of it on Pinterest, just waiting to be found. Never again will I consider cutting construction paper "crafting with the kids". Now it's all about foam board, googly eyes and pipe cleaner. Damn you Pinterest, damn you!

Now everything must have a theme. I never had a "theme thing" before. I can't even get the girls room redecorated cause I can't decide on a theme. Once I have a theme I must allow myself ample time to research said theme on Pinterest. This is a lesson I keep learning the hard way. The minute I decide on a theme some smarter than me pinner pins something better or more creative. Then it's back to the drawing board.

I have also fallen victim to the simple, easy, quick activities that I find on Pinterest. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones with like 4 components and 2 steps. Then the next thing you know your 6 hours in trying to stick marshmallow peeps on a styrofoam ball. The same darn little peeps that insist on falling off and jumping ship from the time they are put on until you are done displaying them. I still can't get over the fact that once I didn't need the peeps to stick they stuck just fine. Ahhhh!!!!!

So to Pinterest- I both loathe and love you. I need you but you make me crazy. I look forward to the next time I get to see you but I worry what crazy ideas you will put in my head. You, Pinterest are my addiction. In fact I can't believe I've taken the time away from Pinterest to even write this blog, lol.

March again

If you have lived any kind of life at all, then there is likely one time during the year that is more difficult than the rest. For most people I imagine this time is around Christmas. For me it's March. The month of March holds two very special birthdays, my dads and my brother Patricks. I shared a very special bond with both my dad and my brother. It is easily argued that the month of March is also when I lost them both.

I have always been close to my mom and my dad. I remember inviting my mom to be my date at a school dance. My mother and I have a great and special bond. She's like that best friend that you have that you can go years not talking to and when you finally get together it feels like you've never been apart. I swear we have some special psychic bond too. There are days that go by that I just know I need to contact her, tell her I love her and I'm thinking of her. We have a very special connection that will be forever.

My dad and I also had a very special connection. You could say I was a daddy's girl and you would be right. My dad was very hard on me, very strict with me but he was also very sweet to me. One of our favorite things to do together was go grocery shopping. At the grocery store nothing was off limits. If I wanted to buy a lobster for dinner, he would buy two. If I wanted to get the stuff for him to cook me a 3 course breakfast before school, he'd get enough stuff for 4 courses. Heck that's basically what he did every morning anyway. I think that's why I enjoy grocery shopping so much as an adult. He would wake me up in the middle of the night to go outside and watch the bats flying through the street light. We would sit up hours watching science fiction movies and French cooking shows. I can't even begin to describe all of the great memories I have of him. I also can't begin to describe how painful each and every day is because I don't have him in it.

My brother Patrick on the other hand was like my best friend. He is 6 years older than me but never once as a child did he treat me like some bratty little sister. He and I share a very special bond that is unlike any other I have. He knows things about me that no one else knows, he's been there for me when no one else was. No matter what we always had each other and we always had each others back. He is a great and loving man. He is an honest man and he is a man that has been dealt a hand that he does not deserve.

In March of 2000 life as I knew it ended. In a crazy, ridiculous, unjust turn of events my brother Patrick found himself battling the Commonwealth of Kentucky for a crime he did not commit. There are no words that I can write at this moment that will describe what he has been through, what we his family ( this includes Wanda) have been through and continue to go through. It has been 12 years since ths nightmare began. This nightmare that essentially ended my dads life and might as well of ended my moms and Wanda's. To be completely honest it ended a good part of mine as well.In March of 2000 I became numb. Sad things are just "things" in most cases, reasons to laugh might just get a snicker. I try very hard to stay positive because I know positivity is the key to making good things happen. I think people might sometimes mistake my attitude and demeanor as being bitchy or rude. Well, you couldn't be more wrong. I'm just struggling to keep it together.

So, yes March is a hard month for me. I am reminded of all the good things my brother and my dad brought to this world, mainly my world. I am reminded how I can't pick up a phone and call my dad or my brother. I am reminded how numb I really am. But I am also reminded how I will always be my brothers "Scooter" and every time I see a spider I will think of my dad. I can't bring my dad back but I will keep his memory alive even if it means buying a couple lobsters or wearing a coyote skin to pick the girls up from school. And I will live to see my brother home where he belongs and I will try to do for him what he has already done for me. So in the meantime, cut me a little slack if I'm having an off day. It's nothing personal really, is just March catching up with me again.

Little Dog, Big Lessons

It's really neat to me how you just never know when the simple things in life will take on a much larger meaning. You know the times I'm talking about, those random acts of kindness you witness, those miracles that you hear about, all the things that you experience that reawaken something great or kindle your spirit. I had one of these events happen to me last week and in the form of a very unexpected package.

I have been looking for a small dog since before Christmas. The girls and I frequent the beach, parks and go on lots of little walks together. I wanted so bad to have a little companion to take with us on our adventures. Every day I have searched for a dog, every animal shelter, humane society, and rescue within driving distance and even Craig's List. I filled out application after application, made so many inquiries but every time I got excited I would either be denied or find the dog wasn't kid friendly. I was starting to give up and then came Polly.

I found Polly on petfinder.com and thought she was cute so I filled out an application even though her rescue was in Castro Valley. The application clearly said they only adopt out locally (which we weren't) and not typically to families with small kids (which we obviously have). I filled out an application, hoped for the best but expected the worst. The next day the rescue contacted me and we made arrangements to meet at a pet food store in Castro Valley. Morgan has been anti- dog so I enlisted my best friend Emily to make the long drive to see Polly.

Now, it's important to note that I am one of the most directionally challenged people you will ever meet. Considering Emily was with me and we managed to get lost 2 times, I'm going to say she's probably a little challenged in this way too. We finally managed to make it to the pet store, a mere 15 minutes late. We walked in and were immediately greeted by this lady and this little, ragged, ugly dog. It took a minute for it to register that this little, ugly, ragged dog was Polly. If there were any way that I could have pretended not to be me, to pretend I wasn't there to see a dog, I probably would have and would have calmly and quietly backed out the door, got into my car and drove straight back. But, alas that wasn't a possibility so I was stuck, now I realize I was anything but.

Polly was a little shy a first but she was so sweet and gentle with the girls. Piper is typically scared of dogs but she loved Polly. It didn't take much for me to see that this little dog had already won the hearts of the girls and so I began to let her win over mine as well. According to the rescue Polly had been surrendered to the Oakland shelter last June due to her owners having to many animals. Not sure if this means "hoarder"? She sat there until the middle of August when the rescue felt sorry for her and took her. A lady in Santa Cruz wanted to adopt her from the rescue but the adoption only lasted 6 hours. She couldnt handle her shyness. Her loss our gain!

I cant believe how absolutely perfect this dog is for us. She loves the girls and the girls love her. She could care less about the cats, she has no interest in people food, cat food or what lurks in the litter box. She only needs to go to the bathroom twice a day and is just as happy out running around as she is laying in your lap. She's perfect. Here's where the life lesson comes in- if I would have simply judged Polly based on her appearance she never would have had a chance. Myself and more importantly my girls would have missed out on the companionship of a great dog just based on her looks. This is a pretty important lesson. We should all try to remember not to judge a book by its cover, or a person by their appearance. It's also important to note that we should try to encourage and help each other. Each person you come in contact with on a daily basis is carrying around their own "Oakland Shelter" perhaps the way you treat them could make their day a little brighter and their life a little nicer. Bottom line, we should all look out to each other, encourage each other and accept each other. By doing so you might just find your own "Polly" right under your nose.

Finding Me

I never really was one of those people that made new years resolutions. Last year just for the fun of it I made a simple one, to go to the beach more. I did pretty good with it and actually tried to go to the beach once a week or so, weather permitting of course. This got me thinking. Did making this resolution actually work or was I just less lazy and more wiling to venture out this year? Either way I figured I might as well make a resolution for 2012, couldn't hurt any.

This years resolution is a little more complicated and yet simple at the same time. It is also something that I think a lot of us moms share, no matter how old our kids are. This year, my resolution is to find myself again. You know, that spunky girl with the pink highlights that wasn't afraid to try anything. That crazy girl that packed up all she had and moved clear across the country. That girl that pretty much disappeared the minute she became a wife and then a mother. When we get married we start thinking less and less about ourselves and more about starting a life and settling in with our husbands. When we become moms we start thinking even less about ourselves, less about our husbands and become obsessed with our kids. Throw a full time job into the mix and well, you get the picture. Suddenly the girl that used to get her hair done twice a month is cutting her own hair if she can even be bothered to wear it any style other than a ponytail. An old sweatshirt and jeans from Goodwill become the outfit of choice. Every free moment is spent reading a book, playing barbies, at the park, or thinking about reading books, playing barbies or going to the park. I cherish each one of these moments but I realize that it's important not only to take care of my husband and my kids but "me" as well. After all it was "me" that helped make these great things.

This year I vow to spend more time bringing "me" back. This year I vow to allow myself to buy "me" things that 1: didnt come from Goodwill and 2: didnt come off a clearance rack and I'm not going to let "me" feel guilty about it. This year I vow to go to the salon, get my hair did and take pride in myself. This year I vow to go to lunch or coffee with friends and not feel guilty for leaving the girls at home with their daddy . This year I vow to be more than a wife and a mommy, this year I vow to be more "Shaunda". I know there are lots of moms out there that feel the same way and I hope you find a little of your "me" this year too. After all, we are all worth it.

Little Bit of Kentucky Living in this California Heart

I am the youngest of three Kentucky born and raised kids.  My beautiful sister Jeanette is 9 years my senior and my loving brother Patrick is 6 years my senior.  Patrick and I grew up very close to one another, we basically lived within a stones throw of each other until I left for college and even then he was merely a phone call and about an hour away.  Jeanette and I had a very different relationship. I have some very vivid and wonderful memories of her as a child but for the most part I remember her as my older, cooler big sister who moved away to Maryland when I was a young kid in search of a life all her own. I remember at first flying with my mom to go visit her and then as I got older I was allowed to fly by myself to visit her. Every time I visited my sister I was amazed and impressed at the life she had created for herself in this foreign far away land (to a kid Maryland is a foreign far away place, lol.). I was always welcomed but always felt out of sorts, after all Kentucky was my home not Maryland.

As a kid if someone were to ask me where my sister was from I would say, without hesitation "Maryland".  To me that was her home, Kentucky in my book had never been her home. I know in my heart and head that that is where she was born and where she grew up but was that her "home", not really.  She had made her own home in this foreign land called Maryland.  I truly believe that if it were not for Jeanette moving to Maryland I would likely have never packed up and moved to CA.  I saw that she was able to make a happy life for herself and was more than willing to give it a try for myself.

I left Kentucky almost 11 years ago.  I can honestly say that up until about a year ago if someone were to ask me where I was from I would say Kentucky. Now I say, without hesitation Valley Ford.  Somewhere in my mind a switch flipped from the girl I grew up as to the woman I now am.  Many times Morgan and I have contemplated packing it all up and moving to be closer to my family in KY and his in NJ. But then we realize that the "home" we remember has a different definition and a different meaning as adults. My Kentucky home now lives in my heart, its not a place I could physically live in.  Its a place that lives inside of me. I could never forget my friends, foe and family there, heck they made me who I am today. 

I am about as happy now as any person can be.  I love my friends, I love my community and I even love my job.  I love how my heart warms every time I drop Avrie off at preschool, I love how trick or treating is like a giant block party in Tomales, I love how I can go to the local Grocery Store and run into about 5 people I know.  To me, this is home. Just like Maryland is home to my sister.  Kentucky and Indiana will always live in my heart but for now I will be living in California.